Chapter Eleven

How Three Words are Spoken

 

Harry’s heart broke when he felt the teardrops fall on his bare skin from her eyes.  She still clung to him tightly, wrapped up in a big fluffy towel.  Her shaking had subsided, he was thankful for that, but she had now begun to cry.

He didn’t know what to do so he just hugged her to him, comfortingly rubbing her back and shoulders.

They stayed that way for twenty minutes longer until Anna got herself together enough to keep the tears at bay and stand on her own without his reassurance.

She didn’t dare look up at him, embarrassment making the color return back to her pale skin.  She saw his wet shoulder and whispered an apology.

He shook his head, taking both of her trembling hands in his.  ”Wanna let me in to what’s going on? I’m all sorts of confused?” She bit her lip.  ”Did something happen to any of the children?”

She shook her head.  ”No, they’re okay.” He squeezed her hands when her voice cracked and moved in closer to hug her once more. She swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks again.

“You know you can tell me anything, Anna.” He pulled back to look into her kind eyes.  But she wouldn’t meet his. “You know that, right?” Harry lifted her chin up with his fingers so she could bring her focus to him.

“I know.”

Harry was going to wait to tell her his epiphany for a better, more happy time.  But he figured she would need to hear the words.  She would need to have some promise from him to open up to him fully about whatever it was that was currently going on inside that head of hers.

“You can trust me.  I’ll never judge you or do anything to deliberately cause you pain.” He inhaled then let out the breath slowly.  “I love you, Annalisa.“

Anna stared in utter shock at his revelation.  He loved her? She wasn’t expecting him to tell her that, not after she had just made a fool of herself in front of him.

The strong urge to say it back to him was there, she was ready to tell him she loved him too.  But something stopped her.

Fear.

Harry grew more nervous when she didn’t say anything.  Shit, did he just fuck up? Did she not feel the same yet? He was pretty sure before that she did.  Especially when he thought back at the times they spent together and the way she looked at him with such… love in her eyes.

Anna removed her hands from his grasp and stepped back.

“Oh.”

Harry furrowed his brows. “Oh? Anna..” He tried to grasp her hands again but she backed away from him, adjusting the towel that covered her then rubbing the underside of her eyes to remove the evidence of tears.

“I.. I need.. I’m sorry.. I just need to take a nap..”

“A nap? You need to take a nap? Right now?” She nodded weakly.  “Anna, did you hear what I just said? I’m in love with you.“

Panic flashed in her eyes and Harry felt foolish, defeated.  She didn’t feel the same.  He was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Harry.  I can’t right now.  I’m really.. tired.”

He nodded, the confusion and hurt visible. “Okay, yeah..Go.”

She turned to go then stopped short, slightly facing him.  ”Come with me?”

Harry was perplexed but he simply nodded and took her outstretched hand and followed her back to bed.

Uneasy silence surrounded them as they entered her room.  Anna dropped the towel and pulled on a pair of cotton knickers and Harry’s shirt that he had tossed casually to the floor earlier.  Harry stood by the bed awkwardly as he watched her.  It struck him how easily she dressed in his shirt, as if there was no tension between them.

She glanced at him before climbing into the bed, Harry following suit.  When they were both situated, Anna’s back to his front, she reached behind her to wrap his arm around her small frame.  He was utterly confused at the morning’s events.  He had told her he loved her, he had said the three words that he didn’t take lightly only to be rejected.  But was he rejected? She refused to tell him what was wrong, she didn’t respond to his heartfelt confession; she turned him away and now was pulling him back without any explanation.

Harry cuddled up close to her, kissing her damp hair and sighing.  ”Are you okay?” She nodded.  ”Talk to me later?” She nodded again and Harry let it go for the time being.  Anna shifted closer to him, Harry tightening his hold on her.

No other words were said and she drifted off to sleep in pure exhaustion.

It was unbearably hot.  The air was thick and humid.  She could hear screams, feeling the agonizing pain at the desperate sounds.  She couldn’t make out her surroundings, everything black. 

But it didn’t stop her.  She couldn’t stop.  She had to keep going, had to keep pushing herself to… To what? She didn’t know.

She heard another crashing noise, more cries and a rush of dust filling her nostrils, suffocating her.

Anna woke with a startled gasp, her eyes popping open.  She quickly looked around, realizing she was in her bed.  Harry’s arm was draped casually around her, his grip loosened with his lack of consciousness.  Her heart was beating out of control, her breaths coming out in pants.  She had been having dark dreams lately, something she hadn’t had since before moving to London.  But they had returned after meeting Harry.  Not at full force but slowly, the dreams became more vivid, and more real.

She had spent hours in therapy, working through the dreams and coming to the conclusion they had to do with Ben and his tragic death.  She didn’t know much of how he died and she tried her hardest to get past that.  During the family get together after his funeral, her cousins had brought up a point that broke her.  They were born together, shouldn’t they have died together? The question plagued her, it ate at her as she desperately tried to come to terms of it all.

At first she had thought the dreams came from their undeniable connection.  Was it Ben guiding her to help her find peace with the tragedy? But after months of weekly therapy sessions, her therapist made the observation: Anna’s subconscious had created scenarios of his death, trying to solve the mystery herself.  But it would remain an unsolved mystery.

Anna maneuvered her way out of Harry’s embrace and slipped out of the room, shutting the door as quietly as she could.  She immediately entered her spare room where she kept her piano—another item she had splurged on— and various guitars.

Sometimes when sleep wouldn’t come, she would spend time in this room, surrounded by the pale white walls and a collage of a hundred pictures that Kathie had done for her as a going away present.  She would pick up her guitar or sit at the piano and just let the music flow out of her.

Anna picked up her acoustic guitar and began strumming the chords effortlessly after tuning it.

What are you doing?

The voice sounded in her head again.  She didn’t know how to answer it either. Harry told her he loved her. He said he was in love with her. What the hell was she doing letting her fear take over and ruin something that could finally complete her, something that could finally pick up the pieces of her broken life and put it back together.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft knock.  ”Come in.”

The door opened and Harry cautiously made his presence known.  He had been standing on the other side of the door for a few minutes, listening to her play the strange melody.  She had promised to talk to him and he didn’t know what to expect.  Was this it? Was this the end of them?

“Hi,” She gave him a small smile and he walked further into the small room, taking the seat across from her. “Did I wake you?”

“No.  Please don’t stop on my account.”

She started up the song again from where she left off, a song that she hadn’t thought of in years.  Harry just watched her, leaning back in the recliner as she finished up.  She looked up then at him for the first time since he sat down, their eyes locked in a tense stare.

“I love you.  I do, Harry.  I love you.”

He felt the weight lift off his shoulders at her confession.  ”I love you, Anna.” She got up and placed the guitar on the recliner before walking over to where he sat.  She climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He stared up at her, unsure of what to do next.  She looked so small, exhausted and.. sad even.  Anna leaned her forehead against his and slid her eyes shut, soaking up the feeling of just being near to him.  ”I’m scared,” she whispered, her breath tickling his lips.

“What are you scared of?” He rubbed her back, pulling her to him more so she could settle comfortably in his lap.

“Everything.  This.. you, me.. Just, everything.”

His heart ached at her words, wanting nothing more than to give her comforting words.  He opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out.  She looked up at him with fearful eyes that were welling up with tears again.

“Is..is this,” he cleared his throat before gathering up his courage and continuing, “Is this what you want, Anna? To do this with me?”

A small smile tugged at her lips at the nervous expression that was clearly on his face.  She breathed deep and kissed him softly, a tear rolling down her pink cheek.  He thumbed it away, caressing her soft skin back and forth reassuringly.  ”I want to be with you, Harry.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.  ”Yeah?”

She nodded.  ”Yeah.”

“Listen, if this gets to be too much.. all my,” his eyes rolled in mock annoyance, “all my fucking craziness, just let me know, okay? Don’t bottle it up and let it get out of hand.  I will be there for you, I will help you through this.  We can lean on each other, okay?” She smiled, sniffling back the remaining tears.

“Okay, yeah.”

He quirked a brow.  ”Promise?”

Laughing lightly, she cradled his face in her hands and pressed sweet, tender kisses on his mouth, whispering her promise to him.

He swiped his tongue on her bottom lip, pulling it in between his teeth to tug teasingly.  She let out a moan as he trailed his kisses to her cheek to whisper in her ear, “I want to be with you, too.”

Anna caressed his cheeks with her thumbs, his smell filling her senses.  She wanted him to hold her, she needed his embrace.  “Can you just.. hold me for a little while?” Harry paused his kisses to shift his gaze to hers.

“Of course, love.  Whatever you need.”

He wrapped his arms protectively around her as she snuggled closer to him, her head resting on the crook of his neck.  He always smelled so good; so manly and.. so Harry.  It warmed her heart, calming her racing mind.  “What happened today?”

“Just overwhelmed.  I didn’t handle it too well.” He hugged her tighter, placing his head on top of hers.  “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Don’t apologize, peaches.  I get it, really.” He cleared his throat.  “There are some.. things.. we need to discuss.” He immediately felt her tense up, expecting it.  “We don’t have to right now but in the near future we do have to have a conversation on what happens next.”

“Okay,” she sighed before continuing, “We can talk about it in a few days.  Can we just have this time for ourselves?”

“Absolutely.” They fell silent again, cuddling together.  This time the air wasn’t tense or awkward; it was comfortable.  Harry could feel her breath on his neck, creating goosebumps on his skin.  He was thankful for it, just moments before being unsure of if he would ever feel her in his arms again.  “What was that that you were playing? I didn’t recognize it.”

Anna let out a little laugh.  “You wouldn’t recognize it cause it’s a song Ben and I wrote.  It was the first song we ever pieced together.  Ben was convinced to have these two notes sound well but it wasn’t working no matter how hard we tried.  He lost so much sleep over it and after awhile, I just gave up.  There was no convincing him that it just wasn’t going to happen.” She smiled in nostalgic.  “He was fucking stubborn.  Sometimes so much that if you told him no, it only drove him to prove to you the answer is yes.”

Harry chuckled.  “Well, that song came out quite good.”

“It’s still unfinished.” Anna laughed.  “He would be going on and on about it not being unfinished if he was here right now.” She looked up at him and a sad smile formed on her lips.  “I miss him.”

“I know, baby.” He rubbed her back, slightly taken aback by how much she was opening up to him.  But it only made him admire her more.  Her strength and courage were undeniably there, whether she felt it or not.

Anna sighed before shrugging, her eyes glazing over.  “I lost myself, too.  For a long time.  I didn’t know what to do, where to turn after he..” She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.  “Then one day, I sat at my parent’s piano.. the ancient piano that we all learned how to play and just.. started playing.  I couldn’t stop cause it was the only thing that could make me feel…okay, you know?” She stared deep in his blue orbs, amazed by how good of a listener he was, how feeling his hand caressing her back softly was making her feel slightly better.  “Music is still the one thing I can turn to the most.”

Harry wanted so much for her to learn to turn to him.  Almost like she was now.  He didn’t always have the right words to say, but he was an excellent ear and he would never deny her a cuddle.  He wanted to make her feel better, wanted to make her feel good.  He wanted her to know that she was loved and.. fucking incredible.

He nodded his head towards the piano that was set in the corner.  ”Play something for me?”

Anna smiled and stood, grabbing onto both of his hands and backing up to the bench.  Harry sat down then pulled her back on his lap so she could sit on him sideways.

“Well, this position will be a little difficult but.. I’ll see what I can do, Wales.” She rested her fingertips on the keys, took a deep breath, and began stroking the keys easily to a soft melody that was old and familiar.  ”Wise men say only fools rush in.. oh, but I can’t help falling in love with you..”

The intense emotion he felt when he first saw her dancing with the children came crashing to him again, leaving him breathless.  “Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? Oh, but I can’t help falling in love with you..” She stunned him, left him breathless.  He fucking loved her.  God, he truly did.  He felt crazy, like he was going mad for how much he yearned for her.  “Take my hand.. take my whole life too.. Cause I can’t help falling in love with you..”

She finished the song and paused before looking over at him shyly.  Harry returned her smile.  ”You’re amazing, you know that?” He kissed the skin of her arm that was visible then moved his arms around her to cover her fingers that still rested on the piano with his own.  ”Teach me to play?”

Her eyes sparkled at him before she turned slightly back forward.  ”What song would you like to learn first?”

“Start off with something easy.  Piano for dummies style.” She giggled and tilted her head to the side and chewed on her lip.

Anna hit the same key twice, then another twice, then a higher note twice again before ending with one tap on the last key.  He instantly knew the song and chuckled.

She did it again, this time softly singing along with the notes.  ”Twinkle, twinkle, little star.“ Then she added more.  ”How I wonder what you are..”

Harry fell even more in love with her.  He opened his mouth to say the thought aloud but shut it.  He didn’t want to scare her again.

“Okay, your turn.” She switched so her hands covered his and he played the tune back like an expert.  “Wow, fast learner.“ He grinned, nipping her skin and creating a moan from her.  “Also a professional distracter.”

“You love it, baby.”

He played another familiar nursery rhyme without realizing.  Anna was baffled.  ”You can play piano! You bastard!” She turned to swat his arm and he laughed, turning pink in embarrassment.

“Not quite well.  My mother taught my brother and I a couple nursery rhymes.  Twinkle, twinkle little star and—”

Anna’s heart swelled at his flushed cheeks, his pink ears.  She grabbed his face and placed a smacking kiss on his lips, surprising him.  ”I’m so in love with you.”

Harry felt like he was soaring at her words, at the truth in her shining eyes.  He didn’t waste any time, picking her up and placing her on the piano, her feet creating the sweetest music Harry ever heard as they stepped on the keys.  He brought her to climax twice before sheathing himself deep in her and they made sweet love.