How Goodbyes Came Too Soon
Spring had finally made it’s way to the city of Boston, the residents recovering from the long and bitter winter. Snow still decorated the sidewalks despite the sun that peeked through the clouds, the unpredictable forecast disrupting the celebrations of the start of warmer and brighter days. The first days of April were precious to one specific suburban Victorian home that sat at the corner of a cul de sac. It had been a difficult period that was filled with sadness and tears, but with the security of a knit-tight family, laughs and music allowed them to push through the grief. The clan stuck together day after day, spending endless amount of hours bickering as they adapted to a new normal.
But the extended work leaves and staying in town were becoming increasingly difficult, the demand of having to get back to reality coming down hard on them. That only meant one thing.
More goodbyes were on the horizon.
Coming from a military family that traveled throughout the states, Annalisa was not a fan of goodbyes. She had experienced them, voiced the dreaded and haunting word far too many times in her short life. It should have lessened the shock and pain of them, going through it time and time again. It should have numbed the emotions it stirred up in her chest and in her heart. But it didn’t. No matter how many times she had to utter the farewell, no matter how many hugs she had given and received in a final moment before letting go, her heart still ached. Her eyes still held the sadness and the tears that came along with the crushing reality of sending someone off; someone she adored greatly.
It always came too soon, even with months and months of preparation. Even when she knew it was coming; it was inevitable.
***
Anna stood at the back door that overlooked the spacious deck, silently watching Harry talk animatedly on his cell phone. He kept shifting from foot to foot, his hand rubbing the top of his head and his shoulders rising and falling as he sighed. He looked stressed.
She recalled looking worriedly after him when he excused himself from the breakfast table after he peered down at the caller ID of his buzzing phone. He had been quick to reassure her with a lopsided grin before leaving her with a chaste kiss. But now as she witnessed his tense and square shoulders, she couldn’t swallow the anxiety that rose in her throat.
Harry glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the glass sliding door disturbing the stillness of morning. He flashed her a smile, picking up on the uneasiness that appeared on her creased forehead as she wrapped the cardigan tighter around her to block out the chill in the air. She returned the gesture, standing back as he half listened to the chatter in his ear.
“Alright, I guess if that’s what has to occur then what else can we do?” He pressed his lips together, his gaze never faltering from hers. “Set it all up and send me the details. I’ll confirm once it’s received.” Pause. ”Will do. Okay, thank you, John.”
Anna waited until he disconnected the call and stuffed his mobile in his back pocket, anxious to hear the words she knew were coming. “Everything okay?”
Harry nodded slightly and inhaled deeply before revealing in a rush. “I’m needed back.”
And there it was. Reality. He was leaving. And she was staying.
“Oh.” The sting of tears paired with the deep ache in her chest at the confirmation, her hand laying over her breaking heart. “Ouch.”
Harry felt awful, despising the fact that he was the cause of her pained expression. It was the last thing he wanted, to pile on more stress to her overflowing plate. He wanted to stay, without a doubt. He wanted to be there for her until she was ready to return back with him. But he couldn’t. Not that he didn’t try. Hell, he had spent the majority of the call with his private secretary arguing about the short timeframe and throwing out idea after impossible idea to prevent it. But there was no way he could continue working while everything he needed to get done was back home, awaiting his return.
“Come ‘ere,” he commanded, stretching his hand out and pulling her to him when she willingly placed her hand in his. She fell into his chest, looping her arms tight around his waist as he wrapped her up in his embrace. Burying his nose in her hair, he inhaled her scent and felt the pull in his lower belly, already missing her deeply.
“When?” Anna asked softly against his chest, her lips twitching when he began to sway back and forth in a slow dance.
“The eighth.”
She frowned. “As in five days from now?”
“Mm,” he reluctantly confirmed. “There’s a meeting I have to be present for on Tuesday afternoon and we got the green light to check out a venue for the games. I can’t very well do that while…”
“Being here with me.”
“Yeah.” Harry paused, halting his gentle dance. “You know I would rather be here with you.”
Anna lifted her head up and met the concern that consumed the usual twinkle of his eyes. Her heart softened at how worried he was.. worried about her.. worried about what this could mean for them. “Harry..” She began, “..as much as I wish you could stay here forever, I know you have a job to do back home. There are only so many conferences you can hold an ocean away. I know how important the games are to you.”
“You are important to me,” Harry interrupted, leaning his forehead on hers, craving the feel of her soft skin on his in any way he could get. He shut his eyes tightly as the hurt of not having her this close soon twisted in his gut. “Your well being is important to me, Anna… and us.”
“I’m fine,” she stressed, lovingly stroking his back. “Really. I wouldn’t have come this far without you, no. But I’m okay.. because of you. Because of the time you have spent here with.. God, Harry, with me and my family.”
He took a breath, his calculated exhale tickling her lips. “I don’t want that to change. I don’t want how far we have come to change.”
“It won’t, baby,” she reassured with a shake of her head. “We won’t. Nothing is going to change that. No amount of distance can come between us. We’ll talk on the phone. We’ll text throughout the day.. I’ll be back in London soon.”
“I know, I know… I just…”
She backed away to look deeply in his eyes, her lips curving. “Worry too much? Yeah, you do.”
“Ha,” he laughed with an eye roll. “I’m not the only worry wart in this relationship, you know.”
“I do know,” Anna giggled, squeezing him affectionately. “We’ll have skype dates…If you’re lucky, maybe even some naughty pictures to get you by..”
Harry’s lips turned up in a devilish smirk, the dance in his eyes mirroring hers. “Mmm… I like the sound of that..”
“I said if you’re lucky, soldier.”
“I see myself being very lucky, indeed.” Harry confidently said and ducked his head to lay his mouth over hers, melting into her warmth as she openly returned his affections. “We’re going to be okay, right?”
“We are always going to be okay. It’s you and me, Wales.”
“You and me, Caro.”
***
“Where are you boys off to?”
Anna glanced up from the task of filing and shaping Kathie’s nails at the sound of her sister-in-law’s curiosity that was spurred from the army of guys. Her brothers, along with Gabe and Harry, were all racing down the stairs with determination in their steps and laughter erupting from them.
“Don’t worry about it,” came Luke’s cryptic reply as he reached to pull his sweatshirt over his head.
“Don’t worry about it? You said you were picking the kids up from school today.”
“And I will!” Luke retorted, ignoring the eye rolls from the groaning company.
“Well, don’t be late this time.”
“Jesus Christ, Kath! It was two fucking minutes one time.”
“It was ten minutes!”
“O-kay!” Daniel clapped to redirect the attention elsewhere. “Let’s go before we become witnesses on a murder trial.”
“Last thing Finny needs on his growing record,” Gabe joked with a smirk before yelling in protest as Finn wrapped his arm around his neck in a playful headlock.
“Sure, let’s add hate crime to that,” Danny said sarcastically, pushing his brother off of his husband.
“He brought it on himself! Learn how to control your husband.”
Gabe snorted, rubbing his sore neck after he got out of Finn’s playful grip. He threw Danny a wink. ”My very own Mr. Grey, right baby?”
“Agh!” Finn and Luke both cried while covering their ears.
Harry’s dancing eyes fell on Anna’s and they shared a shake of their heads at how quickly the level of maturity dropped when the Caro males got together. He had spent a good amount of time with Anna’s family without her presence on the duration of his stay, hanging out with her brothers while she went to the cinema with her niece and nephew or had some quality girl-time with Kathie and her mother. They hit hot spots, checked out local bars and played pool. He was quickly witnessing firsthand just how competitive they all really were. But that never stopped him from tagging along. He actually quite enjoyed the banter and pushing and shoving they did, joining in on it himself. They were comfortable around him. He was comfortable around them and he truly felt like one of them.
And now that there were two days left before Finn would be the first to separate from the group, he had made it a point to spend as much time with the guys as he could, being familiar with the emotions that came along with deployment. Not only was it going to be difficult saying goodbye to Finn in a couple days time, but also to the rest of the family he had come to love.
He was about to saunter over to her, already missing her touch when he was reminded of leaving her soon, before Finn’s strangled voice caught him. “Back me up here, Har.”
“Oi!” Harry winced, stretching his palms out. “I missed that entire bit but I’m steering clear of this one, man. I’ve got enough scandals to last a lifetime.”
“That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas!“
“Ah….” Harry flipped them off with a snort. “Americans.“
“Are we going or what?” Came Luke’s curt interjection.
“Yeah…Let’s go before Luke throws a hissy fit.”
Anna looked up at Harry from her place on the floor with raised brows as Harry approached her, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. “I’ll be back, baby,” he said, ducking his head as she stretched her neck to meet him halfway for a peck.
“Are you guys off to some strip joint or something?”
Harry quirked a brow. ”At one in the afternoon?”
She gestured towards Finn’s smug grin and chuckled. ”Have you met Finn?” She asked, sarcastically.
“Oh, relax…that’s on tonight’s agenda,” Finn said with a devious smirk and wink. ”We’re just going to shoot some hoops before the whoring around starts.”
Her eyes turned frightful at Finn’s remark. Harry and her competitive brothers playing basketball? That was a train wreck waiting to happen. ”Uh..”
“Don’t worry, love,” Harry snickered at her reaction. “I’ll be fine.“
“Yeah, Anna,” Finn said, a devilish grin spreading across his face as he clapped Harry’s shoulder with a little too much force than necessary. “He’ll be fine.”
Danny, Luke, and Gabe exchanged the same up-to-no-good looks and mutely nodded. Harry pulled a terrified expression, creating more laughter all around the bunch. Laughter that kept them going strong.
“We’re just messing around,” Danny cackled. “It’s just a friendly game of basketball. We’ll be back in time for dinner.”
“And to pick up the kids, I hope,” Kathie warned.
Anna wasn’t buying it. A friendly game of basketball was something the Caros weren’t too familiar with. Actually, a friendly game of anything was very far fetched that she was betting on someone returning with wounds and a bruised ego.
She stretched her neck and pursed her lips, silently requesting another peck of Harry’s lips before they had to depart. “Have fun,” she murmured against his mouth, ignoring the disgusted groans and demands of ‘hurry ups’ and ‘let’s go’s. ”Kick some American arse.”
“I will…You girls have fun doing..” He waved his hand at the manicure set on the table. ”Whatever it is you do.”
Kathie giggled and winked at him, nudging Anna with an arm. “Oh, we will. We will.”
“Why am I the one that’s scared now?” Anna questioned with a long glance at Kathie before turning to her brothers. ”You better bring him back in one piece,” she threatened in a low warning tone, eyes narrowed toward each of the male Caros.
“Yes ma’am!” They saluted her before shoving each other out the door in a rush, yelling profanity like teenagers.
“Let’s discuss the sex.” Anna half groaned and half laughed simultaneously at Kathie. Leave it to her sister-in-law to not miss a beat as soon as the door shut and the boys were out of earshot.
“Can we not? My grandma is right upstairs.”
Kathie waved her newly manicured hand while Anna went to work on the other. ”Psh, that old lady doesn’t hear a thing without her hearing aid in. We barely have time just us two. Your mom’s not home, kids are at school, and the old bat is asleep. Come on, spill.” Anna bit the corner of her lower lip and a pink tint came over her cheeks as she kept her focus on polishing, never lifting her attentions up. “Oh my god! You’re blushing!”
“Shut up. I am not!”
“You totally are! It’s that good, huh?”
Anna glanced up and her lips curved, the blush deepening. “It’s fucking amazing, Kath. Like… fuck me good.”
“Ahh! I knew it!” Kathie laughed, dancing in place. “Jesus, girl. I knew there was no way a man like that wouldn’t be a god in bed.”
“A god?!” Anna tossed her head back and howled with laughter. “Please, don’t ever let him hear you say that. I would literally kill you and gladly suffer the consequence of rotting in a cell. Besides, what do you mean ‘a man like that’?”
“Well,” Kathie began, flashing her a pearly white smile. “Look at him. Gorgeous and so freaking tall.. and those shoulders. Hot damn!”
“You sound exactly like Gabe.”
Kathie shrugged. “You and I both know Gabe enjoys scrumptious men.”
“Ha!” She laughed, nodding in agreement. “Harry is pretty scrumptious, isn’t he?”
“Mmmhmmm.. So, what’s he like?”
“Oh my god, seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. I miss girl talk with you. I am not letting this go.”
Anna chuckled and stilled her hands, looking up bashfully. “He’s…attentive. And…generous…and..”
“What are you two pigeons cackling about down here?! Can’t get a wink of sleep.”
Anna and Kathie turned sharply to the staircase where Rosemary was scowling at them. They glanced back at each other and erupted into fits of giggles, holding onto their sides.
**
Not 45 minutes went by before the front door swung open and the boys came barging in with a raucous. Anna gasped and jumped up from her spot on the floor and rushed to them at the sight of Luke and Finn carrying a wincing Harry, paying no mind to the still wet polish.
“What happened?!”
They muttered incoherently, their faces flushed from the chilly air and added weight they carried. They quickly shuffled to the empty seat next to an amused Rosemary, a fiery Anna hot on their heels. They carefully deposited Harry on the soft cushion, cringing at the long groan that vibrated from him as he settled with his head thrown back and face twisted.
“Are you okay?!” She knelt at his side, her hand cupping his kneecap as she studied his pained expression. He nodded weakly, eyes screwed up as he breathed through the throbbing ache in his back and leaned into her soft caress as she threaded her fingers through his hair.
“Ice..please..” He croaked.
“Ice, got it.” Anna stood and glared at her brothers who looked sheepishly at her in return. “You!” She pulled on Luke’s and Finn’s ears—Danny and Gabe jumping out of the way. Their yelps and curses that bounced off the walls only acted as gasoline to the blazing fire in her eyes. ”I told you to bring him back in one piece!”
“He is in one piece!”
“Barely!” A stangled noise came from the sofa and softened her anger. “Aw, baby..“
“I’m fine, fine..”
“I’m gonna get you some ice, sweetie. Hold on, okay?” She whipped her head back, the death glare in her orbs that demanded answers creating chuckles from the two men before her. “This isn’t funny! What did you do?!”
“Nothing!” Finn exclaimed with his hands out, defensively. “I passed the ball to him and he went to shoot and just went crashing to the fucking ground!” He turned to Harry to mutter. ”And missed the damn winning shot.”
Anna turned to Luke to confirm the same. “Hey! We weren’t assholes and intentionally did this. Relax, you big baby.” He rolled his eyes before throwing his own comment to the moaner. ”Aren’t you army pricks supposed to stay in shape? You should really invest in a gym membership.”
“Sod off.” Their eyes flicked to Harry’s scowl and snickered.
****
The day before Finn’s deployment would’ve normally been set out to be a quiet one. The first time he was deployed, he had spent his last day at home cooped up inside the quiet house, minus Anna and Harry. From dawn to dusk, he had surrounded himself with his family as the anxiety bubbled in his chest.
This time, everything was different. He knew what to expect, knew what was expected of him. While he was still nervous about going back to a war zone, he was also eager to get back to work. To get back to his second family out in the desert. Losing his father—a man he shared many regrets with now—he had learned that in just a moments time, life could change. Life could be gone. The last thing he wanted to leave behind was the memory of a mournful day.
The family started the somber day early, partaking in light chatter at the breakfast table before gathering in the cars to act as tourists in the city they had come to know like the back of their hand. It was Finn’s request to spend the day as a family, walking around Boston Harbor—bickering with Harry about the Fourth of July and threatened to throw him in the harbor—before ending the excursion by taking a Duck Tour.
As the day quickly neared dusk, emotions were running high. Sighs and sadness filled the air in the home as they cleaned up after the nightly family dinner—for the very last time.
“Wanna go for a ride with me in the truck?” Finn asked, spinning the set of keys in his hand as he looked at his sister.
He was antsy, the signature trait of worry lines present on his forehead, and he was in dire need for fresh some air. He had been putting this off for as long as he could, solely focusing on enjoying the time he had left and pushing aside the dreadful heart to hearts a soldier was forced to have. But time was running out. The days seemed to become shorter, the hours passing in the blink of an eye. He had to do this now when he had the opportunity to.
Anna turned to Harry, avoiding the nauseating feeling in her stomach at her brothers broody expression, and placed her hand on his forearm. “Would it be alright if I left you here for a bit?”
He immediately nodded. He could guess what Finn was about to do. He was all too familiar with it, the distant memory of having the same conversation just over a year ago himself invisibily written in a chapter in his life. In every soldier’s life. ”Absolutely…Go ahead, love.”
Finn quietly announced he would be waiting in the truck and slipped out, leaving Harry and Anna.
“Are you sure?” She asked, holding onto his arm with her lips pressed together, ignoring the faint sounds of her brother and sister-in-law’s argument from the other room.
Harry smiled gently. ”Of course, yeah. Besides,” He turned to the two kids that were watching a movie on the television with disinterest and felt a pang in his heart. He knew what it was like to use whatever programme was on the telly to drone out his parents’ shouting matches. “There’s a perfect amount of snow out there for a snowman.”
Anna’s eyes shifted to where Harry’s were and her heart melted. Sarah and Benny’s ears perked up and their undivided attention flicked to them. They looked desperate for some type of distraction.
“Are you going to build a snowman, Harry?” Sarah’s hopeful voice made his heart swell.
“I sure am,” he said. “Do you guys want to help me out with that? My back is still quite sore.“
“Yeah!” They exclaimed, scrambling off the sofa.
“Alright! Awesome.” Harry clapped his hands together with a playful smile; a smile that Anna knew came from his big kid heart. “Now what do we need?“
“Carrots!” Sarah shouted, taking Harry’s hand and leading him in the direction of the kitchen, Benny trailing behind and leaving a giggling Anna.
God, he was amazing.
Once she got in the truck—her daddy’s truck—she was struck with intense feelings of nostalgia. It was the first time in years she had been in the vehicle, and her eyes scanned every inch and compartment, becoming familiarized once again of the space. Her daddy’s space.
“Wow..” One hand rested against her pounding chest, the ache that formed there deeply paining her.
“Yeah,” Finn wistfully said, doing the same look around as his sister. “Still looks exactly the way I remembered it did.” He inhaled deeply. “Still smells the same, too.“
The tears stung her eyes as she sniffled, her fingertips tracing over the tags that hung from the rear view mirror. Her twin’s identification tags.
“He kept these,” she whispered. “I always wondered…”
Finn’s eyes landed on the swaying necklace and he swallowed through the ball in his throat, becoming increasingly overwhelmed. He didn’t know what it was like to lose a twin like his sister did and he never once pretended to. But he knew the devastation of losing a baby brother, and that was agonizing enough.
Throwing a comforting arm around the back of her shoulders, he pulled her to his side and laid his head against hers. ”Love you, brat.”
“Love you, jerk.”
They sat there, reflecting on the great losses they had endured together with the truck running in the long circular driveway. The faint sounds of giggles and cheers from the backyard echoed in the quiet neighborhood and caused them to chuckle.
“Ben would be happy for you, you know.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. We all are, Anna. He’s a pretty cool dude.”
She let out a half laugh. ”A cool dude? Oh, Finny booboo.”
He clicked his tongue in distaste. ”Stop calling me that! Jesus, you and Gabe are killing my vibe here.”
“Okay, cool dude.” She mocked.
He shoved her away from him and put the truck in drive, grumbling as they took off from the house.
Anna stared out the window, counting the trees that passed by in a way to keep her beating heart at a steady, normal pace. She hated what was to come; the stiffness in the air was all too familiar. Knowing Finn, he would come out and say something like ripping off a band aid after stalling for as long as he could. He never eased into things, just like a true Caro.
But she also knew he wouldn’t do that until they reached where they were headed. Wherever that was.
“Hey, wasn’t that a dirt road a few months ago?”
Anna turned to him and stretched her neck to check out the a new gravel street with a fresh painted STOP sign at the end. ”Yeah, Luke’s company is building the new houses there. Mom said they cut down all the trees a few months ago and turned it into a private road. It’s a pretty big project, actually.”
“Damn, really?” Finn shook his head, focusing on the road ahead. “How much shit did I miss? I was only gone for like four months.“
Anna chuckled. ”They started the project before you even left, doofus.”
“No shit. Huh, don’t know how I missed that.”
“Too busy charming the panties off the ladies,” she teased. She rolled her eyes and chortled when he replied with his signature smug grin.
“I did just that behind one of those trees. Mindy Kennedy.” His lips curved higher at the corners of his mouth as the name rolled off his tongue. “Shame it’s not there anymore. Good memories in those woods.“
Her nose wrinkled in disgust. ”Ew! I hated that bitch. She made many if my summers awful…always making fun of my braces.”
“Ha! You had the multicolored ones! And those big ass glasses that made you so dorky. You were like the female Steve Urkel. Jesus, Anna, you didn’t really help yourself.”
Her face formed a scowl as his boisterous laughs filled the space. ”Asshole.”
Finn scrubbed his face with one hand, his laughs dying down. ”Good times, good times.”
“Sure,” she sarcastically muttered. “For you, maybe.“
“Nah,” he bumped her shoulder with his. “We had some good times, didn’t we? Remember the summer Pops was teaching Danny to drive on that road?“
Anna wracked her brain, confusion etched across her soft features. ”He did?”
“Yep. He almost crashed right into the tree.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Ha! You almost pissed yourself; you kept crying while Dad yelled, ‘BRAKE! BRAKE!’ And Danny just kept hitting the gas.” Anna smiled at her brother recounting the memory in between his loud laughs, wishing she could share the fond memory with him.
“Sounds like Dad…and like me.”
“I know. That bastard had zero patience. Even if we were doing it right, he always had to find something we could improve on.”
“He grew up with grandpa…I would be surprised if he wasn’t like that.”
“True,” Finn agreed, the corners of his mouth twitcing up. “When we got back to the house, though, Mom took one look at our faces and just went ‘I’ll never do that to my babies again.’”
“Ha! Yep, sounds like Mom, too.”
“You really don’t remember that?”
“I’m having trouble remembering much of anything like that with Dad lately,” she revealed sadly.
His eyes softened at the sorrow and disappointment in her voice and he felt his chest constrict. ”Hey, that’s normal, Ann. It’ll come back to you in time.”
Anna smiled, recalling the sleepless night she spent with Harry weeks ago where he retold story after story about his childhood. ”That’s exactly what Harry said.”
“That prick can’t be wrong about anything, can he?” He joked, dryly.
Her lips twitched as she stifled a chuckle. ”So he thinks.” The truck pulled into a narrow sandy road and a bright smile stretched across her face. ”Really? Here?”
Finn smiled and nodded, quickly glancing at her. ”You remember, right?”
She did. Of course she did. It was graduation night and instead of joining Ben’s friends at some wild party like she would have done, they decided to hike into Boston with a bottle of Jack Daniels and Ben’s stash he concealed in an old tin from their grandpa.
“Gosh..I haven’t been here since..” She trailed off and looked at her brother, her eyes dancing at the faint sounds of the past resounded in her head.
“Since 2002.” He finished for her. “Still can’t believe you guys dragged me out of the party,“ he shook his head. “Damn, you were both losers.”
“Hey!”
“Who drives four hours away to smoke and get drunk at the beach when you could have easily done that at Pete’s?”
“It was fun!” She argued. “We were like the three musketeers.”
“Yeah, but I could’ve lived my whole life without knowing how chunky your fucking vomit is after a couple shots of Jack D. Lightweight.”
“Shut up,” she laughed as she slipped out of the truck and walked with him to the water. The bitter cold of the water didn’t have to be proven by touch, just the chill in the air was enough to make her shiver.
“I’m seeing someone.” Finn blurted after a few silent moments, startling her. “It’s…serious.“
Her eyes widened slightly before they narrowed, searching for any signs of humor. ”You’re fucking with me.”
“Ha! I’m not fucking with you, brat. You’re the only one who knows back home so try to keep a secret, will ya?”
“Wow…” Anna breathed. “You’re serious?“ He nodded, a smile playing on his lips. “Who..who is she?”
“Mindy Kennedy,” Finn answered in a deadpan. A burst of laughter vibrated from her chest as she smacked his arm, Finn chuckling before sobering. “Lt Keri Estes. She’s a critical care nurse-“
“A nurse, eh?” Anna quirked a brow.
His eyes rolled up towards the starry sky. ”Yes, she tends to my-“
“Ugh, please don’t finish that!”
“Ha! You started it. Anyway, yeah. She’s great.. A real pain in my ass but…she’s great.” Seeing the bright and infatuated grin come over her brother’s features warmed Anna’s heart. It was a look she had never seen on him before.
“Awww!” She cooed, pinching his cheeks. “Is Finny booboo in loooove?“
“Shut the fuck up.” He scoffed, slapping her hands away, a flush forming on his cheeks.
“He is!” She exclaimed with a laugh. “You’re blushing! Wow…I’ve never seen this side of you before. It’s..surreal.“
“You’re talking like I’m the devil.”
“Well, you kind of are..” She said before quickly adding to soften his glare. “Depending on who you’re asking! You are the one that had two girlfriends in two different states before.”
“I was seventeen! Give me a break.”
“Are you happy?” She asked seriously. The sparkle in his eyes was all the answer she needed. “Then I’m happy. Your secret is safe with me.“
“Thanks, sis.”
Finn wrapped an arm around her and stared out at the peaceful waves along side his sister, the only light coming from the moon that reflected off the body of water. He sighed deeply, the harsh wind picking up and burning his lungs at each inhale.
It was time. He had to rip off the band aid.
Swallowing slowly, he opened his mouth and let the words flow out. ”If something happens to me out there-“
“Finn..” Anna interrupted, the tears instantly pooling in her eyes.
“No, listen,” he firmly said, his gaze never straying from the calming sounds of the water rushing towards their feet. “I’m going to fight my damn hardest. Every fucking second of every day. I’m determined to not be shipped back home in a casket, Anna. I’m going to keep my focus and push through.“ He paused, clearing his throat to rid the lump that was becoming increasingly difficult to avoid. “But we both know that sometimes even that isn’t enough.”
“Stop.” Her eyes screwed up, her chest tight as she tried to avoid the vision of Finn’s homecoming being the same as Ben’s. The blacked out cars outside the driveway. Two Army officials standing at the door. Devastatings news passing through their lips. The wind being knocked out of them as his lifeless body got carried and wheeled off the plane. She forced the crushing torment away at the thought of her mother receiving another folded up flag; the last piece of another lost son. It was too much. Everything was too much and too fucking soon.
“You stop,” he demanded, turning to force her to open her eyes and look at him. He gripped her shoulders and peered down at her, blinking the tears away that formed from the devastation that consumed her tearful expression.
“Listen to me, Annalisa. If something happens to me, remember me for the way I am; the way I was. Remember me on this beach, the crazy brother who held your hair as you puked your guts out. The brother who laughed, who joked around and made fun of you for being so fucking nerdy. Remember me. Finny booboo. That’s all I ask, that’s all I need you to do.”
Anna sniffled and nodded, her words stuck in her throat. Finn pulled her to him. ”Just don’t forget me, okay? I’m Finn, not a fallen soldier. Just Finn.”
Just Finn.
His request finally seeped into her brain and she began to shake violently at the harsh reality of it. She could lose him. They could lose the comedian of the family, the one who kept them alive with laughter. The life of the family.
“Please, come home.” She sobbed in his chest, embracing him tightly. “Please, come back home. I can’t lose you, too. Mom can’t lose you, too.”
“I know,” he said shakily, allowing the teardrops to roll down his cheeks. “I promise to keep the will to live. I promise I won’t stop fighting to come back home.“
And that was all he could do, that’s all he could say as they held onto each other and cried freely.
“You okay?” Harry plopped on the spot beside her, sighing contently when Anna leaned into him. He took the kindle she handed him and tossed it to the side of him before wrapping her up in his arms. They cuddled close by the fire, the crackling of the wood echoing throughout the room.
“Yeah,” she softly whispered, resting her head on his chest as the earlier events replayed on her mind. The sting of tears came forth again and she snuggled into Harry’s warmth, inhaling his masculine scent. “He wants to go back. He seems pretty thrilled about it actually.“ She paused before lowering her voice. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course you can,” he replied, beginning a soothing caress on her back.
“He’s in a serious relationship with someone there. That’s why he’s a bit eager to get back to work.”
His brows knitted together. ”Are we talking about Finn here?”
“Yeah,” she giggled. “Didn’t quite believe it myself. I guess she’s one of the medics assigned to his base. Keeps him on his toes, so he says.“
“Nurses tend to do that to a hopeless man,” Harry lightly joked, smiling at the soft chuckles that escaped her.
“I’ll bet.” She took a deep breath and squeezed him tighter. “I’m scared, Harry.“
“I know, baby.” Ducking his head, he placed a gentle kiss on the crown of her head as his fingers slid up to bury in her massive strands of curls. “He has a lot to fight for. A lot to live for. That will give him the drive he needs every day out there.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. Her eyes began to flutter when his expert fingers massaged her scalp, melting her insides and chasing the negative thoughts away. Peering up at him through hazy eyes, she smiled softly. “I love you.“
“I love you, too, peaches.” She loved the way he reciprocated immediately, not wasting a beat to let her know that he did. He really did. And she could never ever doubt that. She could never ever doubt them again. Even when the miles were to soon stretch between them.
“I don’t want you to go.” ANna pouted, smoothing her palms up his chest and snaking her arms around his neck.
“Me either, love.” Harry mirrored her pout, his lower lip folding over his top. She leaned forward to capture his lips in a long lingering kiss, savoring his taste on her mouth.
“Oh, for fuck sake!” Luke’s disapproving voice startled them apart. “There are like ten goddamn bedrooms in this house and you choose to keep tainting the couch?!“
“Don’t hate on the sofa just because it sees more action than your bedroom.” Anna laughed loudly at Harry’s cheeky reply that caused Luke’s face to turn beet red.
“Fuck off.”
**************
The staff at Logan International had witnessed many emotional scenes over the years. Distant relatives reuniting, or loved ones sharing a temporary farewell. They had seen dreams come true: a family going through long travels to pick up a new addition to the family, and soldiers returning to a big and warm welcome home to the ones that mattered the most after being away for far too long.
They had seen many hugs, many tears, many laughs and sweet kisses. They had almost grown immune to it all, witnessing it from day in and day out. But what they could never grow accustomed to was the heartwrenching scene of a soldier having to say goodbye and leave behind those they carried in their hearts.
The Caro’s had shared a big family hug, arms forming a circle and heads bowed together as they fought the tears that threatened to fall. It was the day they had all prayed wouldn’t come so soon. It was a day void of petty arguments and only love and empathy surrounded them. After they had said a quiet prayer together, they parted and each had their separate goodbyes to their honest soldier.
Finn had kept it together as he received embraces from his brothers and in-laws, promises of contact being repeated again and again. But once he got to the kindhearted women he grew up loving, his facade began to slip.
He hugged his grandmother first, taking in her flowery scent that reminded him of childhood. He flashed her a wide smile, pride filling his chest when she mentioned how proud of him his father and grandfather would be. He threw his sister a wink before gathering her in his strong arms, lifting her feet off the ground. He almost burst into tears when she hugged him just as tight, whispering how proud she was of him, how she had always admired him and that she loved him. How he would always be her Finny booboo. No matter what happened.
But once he got to his mama, the tears couldn’t be withheld any longer. He choked on his cries, sobs wracking his body that was covered in his army green. Lucille held him and called him her sweet and brave boy, patting his back like she always did when he was sick as a kid. ”I love you, mama. I love you.”
“Oh, I love you, my baby boy. Be safe, you hear me?” She cried, rubbing his back and kissing his head that rested on her shoulder.
“Always,” he tearfully replied. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.“
“I’ll be waiting, my darling.”
They stood there embracing for a few long minutes, neither of them wanting to let go. It was one of the hardest things he would ever have to do: leave her after everything that had happened. She was the strongest woman he had ever known, he knew this. He knew she was going to be okay. He knew she was a fighter. But it didn’t lessen the pain he felt of not being within arms reach.
He sighed and pulled back to kiss her cheek before wiping his tears away and shifting towards Harry who had a weeping Anna tucked into his side.
“Commander Wales.”
Harry smiled and lifted his arm to mirror the salute Finn gave him. “Private Caro.”
Finn held the stance and said in a deadpan, “First one to break has to go bald.”
“You’re on.” Harry snickered, holding the stern position, ignoring the groans from the surrounding company. Ten seconds went by before Finn dropped his arm and made a jab about Harry already being halfway there, sniggers temporarily pausing their sad tears.
“Take care of yourself.” Finn stuck his hand out for Harry’s and nodded. Harry took the offered hand and shook it firmly before he pulled him to a brotherly hug and patted his back. “Holler if you need anything.“
“Thanks, man.”
With one more quick hug to his family and a big kiss for his mama, he picked up his bag and waved with a grin, his glistening eyes only making them cry harder. “See you guys later.”
“Love you,” they chorused and waved back.
“Love you.” He blew them a kiss before making his way to board with the rest of the waiting soldiers. They stayed behind, gazes locked on his back as he walked further and further away from them.
Harry squeezed Anna in his arms as his eyes scanned the pairs embracing, wiping tears from their eyes. Luke and Kathie. Gabe and Danny. Rosemary with Sarah and Benny.
Then he found Lucille. She stood off to the side, hand clutching the necklace that she wore around her neck that held her late husband’s wedding band. Tears brimmed her sad eyes and Harry felt the ache deep in his chest as he realized she had no one to hold. No one to console her. He choked back on the emotion that bubbled in his chest at the older woman. A woman who had buried a son, lost a husband, and now had to let go of another son as he flew off to an unpredictable environment. An environment that could take away several lives in a split second.
Stretching out an arm, he caught her attention. She smiled gratefully and walked into his side, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around her. He squeezed the two Caro women he adored, who were so similar it was uncanny. He vowed to always look after both of them right there in that moment as Finn’s figure became smaller until it was out of sight. He vowed to console them.
For Marco. For Ben. For Finn.
Wild Winter's Day 